sizhui | Inbox for prismatica

He is. He's very nice. But I felt a little bit like I was back in school again when I was talking to him. Like I had to be on my best behavior.

Not that I'm not already, but... [She felt like even her politeness was being tested.]

Oh! Well, yes. He always gives his best behavior, I guess, and he expects the most of himself, and expects a lot of everyone else. It just takes a bit to realize that he will accept your best in a way that doesn't have to be exactly like his. Even though we - the Lan - have so many rules, he has learned a long time since that the same rules can't apply to everyone. You try to help people, and protect people at the cost of your own self. I think when he gets to understand, he will like you.

I've heard the Lan Sect had a lot of rules.

[...Is it weird she still wants that acceptance from some kind of authority figure? Similarly with Hisoka, the idea of letting her, or Lan Wangji, or Jiang Cheng down or disappointing them is a gutting feeling. She wants to succeed. She wants to prove that time used on her wasn't wasted, that she could justify living in this world somehow.

Maybe it's because everyone else was dead and the only other authority figures she'd had had convinced her that she was insane. There'd been no help, just pitying looks and exasperation and disappointment that she couldn't just be normal.]

Do you think so?

Edited 2019-11-19 09:36 (UTC)

We do have 4019 of them. And yes, I do think he will. I mean, it might not be too easy to tell, since he doesn't express many emotions, but at the same time... You'll know.

[WHAT]

4019? I wasn't even aware there were that many things that existed to make rules out of. Is there anything left you're allowed to do after all of that?

[This explains So Much about Sizhui and Wangji.........

Jingyi not so much.]

Is he that difficult to read normally? I didn't find it so hard. But I suppose my abilities help a little with that.

Not all the rules are about telling you what not to do - some are about what to do instead. And some of them are only applicable within the Cloud Recesses, in truth. And, well, most people find him difficult to read. I think it is a little different in this place, because things are so... surprising.

Cloud Recesses is where the Lan Sect is mostly located at, right? Jin Ling and Sect Leader Jiang have been teaching me a little.

[Oh which reminds her--] Sect Leader Jiang said I could join his sect. I'm not entirely sure how official it is, or how official it could be in a place like this, but... [But it's something?]

Yes, it is the home of the GusuLan Sect. The Koi Tower is Jin Ling's home, and Sect Leader Jiang's is the Lotus Pier. And of course it is official - he is the Sect Leader. He rebuilt the entire sect almost on his own - he is not someone who makes his decisions just so, nor one whose decisions many would would argue against, let alone ignore.

[Lotus Pier sounds beautiful from the name alone, and she's trying to imagine what it might look like before she reads the rest of Sizhui's message and feels honestly shocked. It probably should've been obvious, right?

In retrospect, it's probably a good thing she voiced this to Sizhui and not JC himself or else she might've actually offended him somehow or something.]

Oh.

[That's all she sends for a good minute, still trying to wrap her head around it.]

Sorry.

[Another couple seconds pass.]

It's really okay to think I have a place there?

[Another few seconds.]

Sorry. That's a strange line of questioning. I don't know. It seems obvious, but it feels almost arrogant to assume, since I'm not from your world. I've never belonged anywhere before. Did I tell you the Sect I would've belonged to before was wiped out? Everyone I knew is gone too. I only had Hisoka to teach me. I still feel like a stranger in her home sometimes. It's a hard feeling to get over, like I don't quite belong in the world...

[oh. This is getting heavy, huh. She pauses and then adds.] Sorry. Again. These are my troubles, not yours'. I shouldn't be talking about them. Text just makes thing flow a little easier sometimes.

You don't need to apologize, Yuri. I understand why you question it. I think... because of things that happened when I was very young, a lot of the people from my world have lost everyone, or nearly so. It might be easier for some of us to understand - and to not let go easily, either. Of you. So you - don't need to feel bad for worrying.

[ Naming names would come close to gossiping, and Sizhui isn't up for that, but her new Sect Leader might understand that particular situation far, far too well. Sizhui...

Well, he has memory of it, himself, now, too. ]

You can't just make it go away, though, I don't think. I hope it gets less poignant, with time.

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