The only thing that has been giving Sizhui strength for a while is that for a very short while, he knew that Jin Ling had left first. So he wouldn't be missing him. He wouldn't be there, thinking how Sizhui has forgotten him.
But Sizhui hasn't forgotten, and who knows if Jin Ling has?
Other than that...
He knows the others of the Lan clan had been either from later than him, so they had nothing to remember, or had already forgotten back in Lunatia. And that was - it was fine. He was fine. Maybe they really wouldn't remember, anyway. It would be easier for them.
And Uncle Ning...
Well, anyway. At least now he knows some of the things Jingyi was talking about, of night hunts with Uncle Ning, and what Hanguang-jun spoke of about being married.
It has been a while. But Sizhui's memory is well trained. He remembers all. And he misses, oh, how he misses those he had learned to love.
So here he is tonight, alone in the cold spring. Not even trying to quench a fire, though there have been such times, before. But at least he gets privacy here.
And he can cry, quietly, for what his heart longs for and probably can't have ever again.
It's night, soon after he'd fallen asleep, and it takes him a moment to sort out where he is and why he feels so strange.
Because this is home, and he honestly had not expected to see it again, somehow. It has been...months. Five? Six? Since he has seen home, and he is dizzy with remembering. He shouldn't be remember, though? Not when so many had come back to the places he'd been taken with their memories erased or modified in some fashion.
His moonlit room hasn't changed. The papers he'd never finished before he was pulled into some alternate time and place are exactly the same. He still doesn't want to finish them, but its nice to know that he now has the option to.
This--he doesn't understand what to make of this. He's glad to be home, mostly. There are people he will miss, but...
Sizhui.
Without a thought in his head, he throws on his robes, even though it is night. His robes feel strange (right, but strange) and everything feels just slightly not real, but the instant he judges himself decent enough to go sneaking around, he flings himself out of his room and into the night.
The scent of Cloud Recesses is perfect and Jingyi hadn't known that he'd been an exile longing for home until he didn't have to long anymore.
He can't find Sizhui. At least not at first. He has to go down the list of places Sizhui could possibly be before he gets to the cold springs. He comes out of the trees surrounding the ponds loudly and inelegantly, for all that he's not speaking, just huffing with the exertion of running all over Cloud Recesses on his hunt.
When he gets there, though, he drops to his knees by the side of the springs and blurts, "You're hard to find."
Sizhui's shoulders tense, because the sudden appearance doesn't let him wipe his tears away. But then they relax, because this is Jingyi. No matter what, no matter if the experiences they have shared, the words, the feelings, the kisses are only in Sizhui's memory, this is Jingyi, and having him near is like having the world a little more right again.
He still dives through the clear cold water to come out in front of his friends. If his face is wet, the tears won't show, right? Never mind that his eyes are red. Probably. His gaze is still clear, and there is a soft smile, just for Jingyi.
"I'm sorry - I couldn't sleep, and this place is said to clear the mind." Beat. "You were looking for me? Is something wrong?"
The relief only hits Jingyi after he sees Sizhui here, whole, and generally looking like himself. It is a good thing that he is already on his knees, or he would have collapsed and then Sizhui would be really worried. As it is, he puts his hands on the ground in front of him and lets his head sag for a good few seconds while he breathes.
When he looks up again, Sizhui is much closer and all over wet. Which is definitely something! His thoughts flash hard to a particular recent conversation, a lot of which no longer applies, but since there had been kissing somewhere in the middle it's stuck right there as he looks at his friend. Jingyi opens his mouth to blurt out he has no idea what, only to stop because Sizhui looks...off? Unhappy a little bit maybe?
"Are you okay?" is what ends up coming out of his mouth instead. Because his weird...dream? experience?...matters significantly less than the Sizhui that is present in front of him right at this moment in time.
"I am all right. I think just... thinking strange thoughts. Of strange places." Cold-wet hand comes up to brush knuckles over Jingyi's cheek. "Are you all right?"
With Jingyi's attention entirely on him, it's easier, rather than harder, to have the smile be real.
"I really did worry you. It's all right. I'm here."
"I am fine!" Jingyi says immediately, leaning into Sizhui's touch, as brief as it was. Was he being too obvious? He had not meant to change literally overnight but he could not just unthink thoughts that he had had. "It was just one of those dreams where you wake up and everything seems sideways after, and I had to come find you to make sure..." He really did not know what he was making sure of. Petulantly, he adds, "It woke me up!"
At that, though, he finally rocks back on his heels to consider. What did he want? Now that he was confronted with his actual life, now that he was home, his experiences really did seem like a dream. He opened his mouth to complain a little more, because what he actually wanted was to tell Sizhui about every part of it. It had been so utterly bizarre and like nothing even he could ever have come up with on his own, and Sizhui would have thoughts about it, he was sure. "It was like I was somewhere else for months. Months!"
"Let me get out and we can--" The words trail when the last part comes out, and he stills for a moment. Swallows.
"Jingyi, this might. Sound kind of strange. But humor me - like you were somewhere else for months, or like you were two different other places for months?"
He might be wrong, and if he's wrong and it was just a dream, that's all right. He can manage. But if - if now is when Jingyi was from and he also remembers...
Jingyi frowns at Sizhui, because that is strangely specific question to ask. He does not quite hope that Sizhui also remembers, because surely he would have noticed something (though, realistically, Sizhui is very good at everything, including secrets).
"Ah? Yes?" He nods slowly. "That is exactly what it was? The first one was--" He cuts off as words fail him. He tries the safest, most understandable thing, since he cannot truly expect Sizhui to understand the weirdest stuff without ever having seen any of it. "We had a house with rabbits. You and me and Hanguang-jun and Zewu-jun. But the house was built strangely, and it was among lots of others all arranged in rows along a road, each sitting on its own square of grass."
This is the part that makes him think 'dream,' but: "And then I was somewhere else entirely, very suddenly, and it was much, much stranger. I was flying through the stars in a--" He struggles. 'Shuttle' did not have any meaning to him before he had been inside one. "Large metal carriage? As I came back from the moon. And you were a rabbit. Not the rabbit in the moon! But just a rabbit on your own."
Sizhui's hand comes up to cover his mouth, but the small sob of relief can't quite be stopped. For a moment longer, he stares at his best friend with wide eyes, before he just drops down to sit on the bottom of the stream, hiding his face in both hands for a moment.
"Not... not the rabbit in the moon. Rabbit because of the moon. Y-you remember, too."
Give him a moment. It's been a strangely lonely few months to spend in the middle of his family.
"One of the three moons." One hand drops down to rub lightly the spot where Jingyi bit him. "It really is like a dream, and the other place sounds just as much so."
Jingyi launches himself into the water fully clothed. He cannot stand the sob or the odd tone that means something too close to distress for his heart to take, and he needs to try to hug him. Just wrap him up in soggy long sleeves because Sizhui remembers too and that is actually almost horrifying.
"Because of the--moons, yes, and I was turning into a dog or a wolf or something and there were two of you and I remember! I was just there and--" He is scattered like he has not been since he was much younger and Sizhui's gesture toward the bite-point is, well, if Jingyi was not trying to process everything at once, he would be turning very red. "It feels like it was really real even if it sounds completely crazy. But--you were from earlier in time."
And there's the horror. Aghast, he says, "You were already here remembering????"
"That is forever ago," Jingyi says, still horrified. "You did not say anything!" He is very cold and very wet, but he clings to Sizhui like his life depends on it. His thoughts are spinning as fast as that shuttle from the moon. And okay, okay, maybe Sizhui could not say anything because what would he even say except to describe something so much like a dream, but Sizhui had changed there and surely he would have had to change here too at some point. "Would you ever have eventually?"
"I don't know." And he doesn't. It takes him a few more moments, but then he realizes Jingyi is definitely cold, and even at night the air is warmer than the water, so he gently disentangles them but only to get them outside of cold spring to dry, Jingyi fully clothed and himself only in an underrobe. Preferably still in close contact.
After a little while, he sighs. "On the one hand, I thought if I restrain myself, it would... become easier. On the other hand, I knew that you and Hanguang-jun were both from later, so I thought if I could remember, then maybe the two of you would, too. So I thought I'd wait.
"It just... has been hard, sometimes. Missing so many people.
"That you've been here, even if not knowing, it's been so good."
An effort is made on Jingyi's part to remain in physical contact with Sizhui even as they clamber out of the cold springs, if only by something as light as a hand on a wrist or a shoulder against Sizhui's. Some of that is his natural tactile nature, but some of it is leftover from the very different cultural mores he got used to when he was elsewhere. He wants to be as close as Sizhui will let him, and he does not even think about how that might be odd. Not yet, not while this is the same Sizhui and there is nobody else around to look at him in askance.
Still, tho, he shivers, even as he takes off his outer layers and starts wringing them dry.
"I think you got lucky," Jingyi tells him point-blank. "Everyone else we know of who went home even for a little forgot everything. But--" He hums over the thought. "If you had told me, then would I have known about it going there? It is too confusing, so it is probably for the best. But you were there for longer than I was. Twice as long, maybe."
And this is the point where he would have lapsed into a contemplative silence if he had been literally anyone else. Instead, he continues, "So you have more people to miss with a lot more intensity." He makes a vague gesture at the side of his head. He means 'beads' but it is not obvious. "I am sorry that I could not help before, but now I can."
Jingyi had anchored himself in Sizhui in that other world--the second, not the first, oddly enough. This Sizhui. So it feels a little like something settling to know that he had only been without his Sizhui for a short time.
"But you did help, Jingyi. Even if you didn't remember, you are you. I could lean on you and be there for you the way we always are. The way I." Beat. "Well, I didn't begin feeling things for you there."
In Lunatia, he could begin to name those things. In Lunatia, he could begin to know what to do about those things - and what not to do, too. On that note...
"I think that if - if I had thought to do something about it, I would have started to tell you. Because otherwise you would only have part of the facts and while they don't change my feelings, it wouldn't be fair to keep you blind." Communicate, dammit. Sizhui knows that he keeps inside more things than Jingyi does, and he knows that is something to work on. Mostly because he does love the knowing that Jingyi will tell him what's on his mind, and he wants to give Jingyi the same.
"A year." He continues quietly, a small tremble in Sizhui's voice. "I was there for a year. And... I cannot tell about Yuri, but Jin Ling went home first, by a little bit. So either he remembers too, in his world, and knows I might too, or doesn't remember anything so he has no reasons to be upset..."
Jingyi very seriously considers kissing Sizhui right then, but instead he frown furiously to himself over Sizhui's words, finishes wringing out his overrobe, and slides it back on. He needs to be dressed if they are going to head back to their rooms.
"I am sorry about Jin Ling, and I--" he cuts off, thoughts tangled.
Sizhui had not begun to have thoughts about him in the weird alter-world, which meant...those feelings had started earlier. Which throws him, somehow. Not because he does not like the idea, but because it had not hit him that it was even possible before. "I did not know," Jingyi tells him, chewing on his lower lip in thought. "I did not know that I liked you, until I had gone and come back and"—he speeds up, a little distressed—"I had to think about it! You know I would have done something if I realized?"
That last question is very blatantly for reassurance.
Sizhui's face softens, he nods in grateful acceptance for the 'sorry,' and unfolds to put on his own outer robes, too.
"I know you would have. I know I would have at least told you, if I had known what it means, what it is. It didn't start there, but the awareness did, if that makes sense? But I just mean - what I told you. What I feel. It's not just because that place was different.
"It's because of you and me."
He stands ready for them to walk back to their rooms, shoulder and elbow right next to Jingyi's.
"And I thought - we're both here. We're both pretty young. Whether I would speak now, or in a little while, as long as I'm near and you're happy, it doesn't matter too much. Especially if you never remembered - I wouldn't have want you to choose because of - a dream I had, or something that happened elsewhere, or because I said you felt a certain way. I thought with a little time between ... that and when I spoke up, that would be less under question."
Why, yes, no matter if Sizhui would have talked about Prismatica... about his feelings, he would have spoken up.
His father's example is far too important for him to even consider things otherwise.
"Awareness! Yes!" Jingyi agrees immediately, pressing their shoulders together.
"I like you a lot, you know," he makes sure to inform Sizhui, just in case that might not be clear. But what Sizhui says makes sense to him and he continues, "And I do not think I...could choose based on something you told me? Well, maybe I would, but I am pretty sure I would have lots of thoughts about whether or not I agreed, or whether or not the other me in your dreams or weird time travel reality thing was telling you the truth or not. Or--well, there were two of you there, but you are the only one I wanted to kiss. Maybe the other me would not have been me-me, but some other me--"
He stops, stricken, and gives Sizhui a wide-eyed look and grabs his arm. "Oh no, that would be terrible. Forget I said that. Then you would be here with the wrong me, and that is worse than anything."
Sizhui... breathes easier with each rushed word that he hears, though his heart does beat faster about being the one that Jingyi wanted to kiss. Elder brother... he had been glad to know him, but there is something about being told that difference--
At some point his hand sifts so that, within the folds between their sleeves, is fingers wrap around Jingyi's, a little cold but very steady.
It is all right. It will all be all right.
"I don't want to forget anything that you say, Jingyi. I never want that.
"But no, I think you are you. The right you. The one who belongs here. And...
Cue fluttering heart and maybe a little bit of a squeak when Sizhui wraps his hand around Jingyi's. He immediately shifts to lace their fingers together because he can and he is allowed and they remember everything that came before this.
Jingyi's face is pretty thick, but when Sizhui says that he is the one that belongs with him he flushes bright red and absolutely cannot prevent himself from trying to kiss Sizhui.
There is absolutely no other response to that declaration that even makes sense.
.... successful. Sizhui is startled, but his arms move to wrap around Jingyi's waist and he holds him close as he kisses him, sweet but also a little desperate because it has been a while and he's wanted to do this and he's had times when he thought it might never happen, it should never have happened, and now here they are and. Well.
The kiss is definitely not a light fleeting thing.
When he leans back for air, his eyes try to drink in the sight of Jingyi's face, every little detail of it all over again.
Jingyi, for all of his inexperience, is immediately on board with the longer, sweeter kiss. He flings his arms around Sizhui's shoulders and holds on, and this, this is so much more like coming home even than waking up in his own bed had been. There is a kindling of possessiveness in his chest, a faint echo of his "dream", and he leans into it--and the kiss--because this is his in a place that is real.
When they break apart, he spends a moment breathing hard because he had not planned for any of this. Though even if he had, Sizhui is not someone who you expect not to steal your breath away. His higher thought processes have disengaged entirely and it is all he can do to flush at the endearment and beam. "Yes, yes, yes, A-Yuan, Sizhui, my favorite person. I do not think I can tell you how much I am glad to be home."
"A-Yi, oh, A-Yi..." Sizhui's own breath is short, overcome with emotions he has been keeping a tight lid on for months and months. His hands come up to cup and caress Jingyi's face.
"An hour ago, I thought my heart was just going to break forever. And now it's flying. All because of you."
"Good," Jingyi says fiercely, because if anyone should be flying--or their heart should, at least--it's Sizhui. "The very last thing I want is for your heart to be broken. Especially if I am part of the cause."
And then, because he has absolutely no reason not to (?) he hauls Sizhui in for another kiss.
"Hey, you're not, never willingly, I know that." All right, kissing is good. It means he doesn't have to look for words.
Then he cups Jingyi's face with both hands, taking his fill of looking at him directly. Because if he were to stare before, that would be considered strange, and so he had to take in normal looks, glances for him, even. And it wasn't enough.
"Let's go back to - to my room. I want to, at the very least, cuddle the breath out of you. And we can talk. And kiss. Or just cuddle and kiss. Or... um."
Sorry, he's still a bit coming to terms with the fact that the weird solitude while still among his loved ones is over. He's not dared to hope or think further than that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't want more.
Jingyi's face is cupped (?!) and he freezes that way, hands finding their way to lay on top the ones Sizhui has on his face. His eyes are wide and he is flushed a bit from sheer unable-to-stand-still excitement more than anything else. He thinks he likes being looked at like that, and if Sizhui's heart is flying then Jingyi's is zooming in his chest, knocking against his ribs, unable to be any sort of calm.
"Yes!" Jingyi exclaims immediately. "I want to get out of my wet clothes."
That...that was not supposed to be innuendo but Jingyi's eyes flare just a fraction wider as soon as he realizes what he has just said.
And Sizhui's widen, too, and the shifts one hand to hide his soft giggle behind the sleeve.
"Yes. Yes, of course. Come then." He shifts to take Jingyi's hand start them moving. "No running. This is really not the time I want us to be interrupted."
But he's moving rather fast without breaking the rules, all the same.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Cold Spring: For gusumouthcannon
But Sizhui hasn't forgotten, and who knows if Jin Ling has?
Other than that...
He knows the others of the Lan clan had been either from later than him, so they had nothing to remember, or had already forgotten back in Lunatia. And that was - it was fine. He was fine. Maybe they really wouldn't remember, anyway. It would be easier for them.
And Uncle Ning...
Well, anyway. At least now he knows some of the things Jingyi was talking about, of night hunts with Uncle Ning, and what Hanguang-jun spoke of about being married.
It has been a while. But Sizhui's memory is well trained. He remembers all. And he misses, oh, how he misses those he had learned to love.
So here he is tonight, alone in the cold spring. Not even trying to quench a fire, though there have been such times, before. But at least he gets privacy here.
And he can cry, quietly, for what his heart longs for and probably can't have ever again.
\o/!
It's night, soon after he'd fallen asleep, and it takes him a moment to sort out where he is and why he feels so strange.
Because this is home, and he honestly had not expected to see it again, somehow. It has been...months. Five? Six? Since he has seen home, and he is dizzy with remembering. He shouldn't be remember, though? Not when so many had come back to the places he'd been taken with their memories erased or modified in some fashion.
His moonlit room hasn't changed. The papers he'd never finished before he was pulled into some alternate time and place are exactly the same. He still doesn't want to finish them, but its nice to know that he now has the option to.
This--he doesn't understand what to make of this. He's glad to be home, mostly. There are people he will miss, but...
Sizhui.
Without a thought in his head, he throws on his robes, even though it is night. His robes feel strange (right, but strange) and everything feels just slightly not real, but the instant he judges himself decent enough to go sneaking around, he flings himself out of his room and into the night.
The scent of Cloud Recesses is perfect and Jingyi hadn't known that he'd been an exile longing for home until he didn't have to long anymore.
He can't find Sizhui. At least not at first. He has to go down the list of places Sizhui could possibly be before he gets to the cold springs. He comes out of the trees surrounding the ponds loudly and inelegantly, for all that he's not speaking, just huffing with the exertion of running all over Cloud Recesses on his hunt.
When he gets there, though, he drops to his knees by the side of the springs and blurts, "You're hard to find."
AAAHHH
He still dives through the clear cold water to come out in front of his friends. If his face is wet, the tears won't show, right? Never mind that his eyes are red. Probably. His gaze is still clear, and there is a soft smile, just for Jingyi.
"I'm sorry - I couldn't sleep, and this place is said to clear the mind." Beat. "You were looking for me? Is something wrong?"
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When he looks up again, Sizhui is much closer and all over wet. Which is definitely something! His thoughts flash hard to a particular recent conversation, a lot of which no longer applies, but since there had been kissing somewhere in the middle it's stuck right there as he looks at his friend. Jingyi opens his mouth to blurt out he has no idea what, only to stop because Sizhui looks...off? Unhappy a little bit maybe?
"Are you okay?" is what ends up coming out of his mouth instead. Because his weird...dream? experience?...matters significantly less than the Sizhui that is present in front of him right at this moment in time.
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With Jingyi's attention entirely on him, it's easier, rather than harder, to have the smile be real.
"I really did worry you. It's all right. I'm here."
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At that, though, he finally rocks back on his heels to consider. What did he want? Now that he was confronted with his actual life, now that he was home, his experiences really did seem like a dream. He opened his mouth to complain a little more, because what he actually wanted was to tell Sizhui about every part of it. It had been so utterly bizarre and like nothing even he could ever have come up with on his own, and Sizhui would have thoughts about it, he was sure. "It was like I was somewhere else for months. Months!"
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"Jingyi, this might. Sound kind of strange. But humor me - like you were somewhere else for months, or like you were two different other places for months?"
He might be wrong, and if he's wrong and it was just a dream, that's all right. He can manage. But if - if now is when Jingyi was from and he also remembers...
He has to ask, at least.
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"Ah? Yes?" He nods slowly. "That is exactly what it was? The first one was--" He cuts off as words fail him. He tries the safest, most understandable thing, since he cannot truly expect Sizhui to understand the weirdest stuff without ever having seen any of it. "We had a house with rabbits. You and me and Hanguang-jun and Zewu-jun. But the house was built strangely, and it was among lots of others all arranged in rows along a road, each sitting on its own square of grass."
This is the part that makes him think 'dream,' but: "And then I was somewhere else entirely, very suddenly, and it was much, much stranger. I was flying through the stars in a--" He struggles. 'Shuttle' did not have any meaning to him before he had been inside one. "Large metal carriage? As I came back from the moon. And you were a rabbit. Not the rabbit in the moon! But just a rabbit on your own."
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"Not... not the rabbit in the moon. Rabbit because of the moon. Y-you remember, too."
Give him a moment. It's been a strangely lonely few months to spend in the middle of his family.
"One of the three moons." One hand drops down to rub lightly the spot where Jingyi bit him. "It really is like a dream, and the other place sounds just as much so."
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"Because of the--moons, yes, and I was turning into a dog or a wolf or something and there were two of you and I remember! I was just there and--" He is scattered like he has not been since he was much younger and Sizhui's gesture toward the bite-point is, well, if Jingyi was not trying to process everything at once, he would be turning very red. "It feels like it was really real even if it sounds completely crazy. But--you were from earlier in time."
And there's the horror. Aghast, he says, "You were already here remembering????"
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"Since after the Guanyin Temple. That's when I went there, and that's when I came back."
Calm. He's just. Calm now. He's not alone anymore.
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After a little while, he sighs. "On the one hand, I thought if I restrain myself, it would... become easier. On the other hand, I knew that you and Hanguang-jun were both from later, so I thought if I could remember, then maybe the two of you would, too. So I thought I'd wait.
"It just... has been hard, sometimes. Missing so many people.
"That you've been here, even if not knowing, it's been so good."
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Still, tho, he shivers, even as he takes off his outer layers and starts wringing them dry.
"I think you got lucky," Jingyi tells him point-blank. "Everyone else we know of who went home even for a little forgot everything. But--" He hums over the thought. "If you had told me, then would I have known about it going there? It is too confusing, so it is probably for the best. But you were there for longer than I was. Twice as long, maybe."
And this is the point where he would have lapsed into a contemplative silence if he had been literally anyone else. Instead, he continues, "So you have more people to miss with a lot more intensity." He makes a vague gesture at the side of his head. He means 'beads' but it is not obvious. "I am sorry that I could not help before, but now I can."
Jingyi had anchored himself in Sizhui in that other world--the second, not the first, oddly enough. This Sizhui. So it feels a little like something settling to know that he had only been without his Sizhui for a short time.
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In Lunatia, he could begin to name those things. In Lunatia, he could begin to know what to do about those things - and what not to do, too. On that note...
"I think that if - if I had thought to do something about it, I would have started to tell you. Because otherwise you would only have part of the facts and while they don't change my feelings, it wouldn't be fair to keep you blind." Communicate, dammit. Sizhui knows that he keeps inside more things than Jingyi does, and he knows that is something to work on. Mostly because he does love the knowing that Jingyi will tell him what's on his mind, and he wants to give Jingyi the same.
"A year." He continues quietly, a small tremble in Sizhui's voice. "I was there for a year. And... I cannot tell about Yuri, but Jin Ling went home first, by a little bit. So either he remembers too, in his world, and knows I might too, or doesn't remember anything so he has no reasons to be upset..."
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"I am sorry about Jin Ling, and I--" he cuts off, thoughts tangled.
Sizhui had not begun to have thoughts about him in the weird alter-world, which meant...those feelings had started earlier. Which throws him, somehow. Not because he does not like the idea, but because it had not hit him that it was even possible before. "I did not know," Jingyi tells him, chewing on his lower lip in thought. "I did not know that I liked you, until I had gone and come back and"—he speeds up, a little distressed—"I had to think about it! You know I would have done something if I realized?"
That last question is very blatantly for reassurance.
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"I know you would have. I know I would have at least told you, if I had known what it means, what it is. It didn't start there, but the awareness did, if that makes sense? But I just mean - what I told you. What I feel. It's not just because that place was different.
"It's because of you and me."
He stands ready for them to walk back to their rooms, shoulder and elbow right next to Jingyi's.
"And I thought - we're both here. We're both pretty young. Whether I would speak now, or in a little while, as long as I'm near and you're happy, it doesn't matter too much. Especially if you never remembered - I wouldn't have want you to choose because of - a dream I had, or something that happened elsewhere, or because I said you felt a certain way. I thought with a little time between ... that and when I spoke up, that would be less under question."
Why, yes, no matter if Sizhui would have talked about Prismatica... about his feelings, he would have spoken up.
His father's example is far too important for him to even consider things otherwise.
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"I like you a lot, you know," he makes sure to inform Sizhui, just in case that might not be clear. But what Sizhui says makes sense to him and he continues, "And I do not think I...could choose based on something you told me? Well, maybe I would, but I am pretty sure I would have lots of thoughts about whether or not I agreed, or whether or not the other me in your dreams or weird time travel reality thing was telling you the truth or not. Or--well, there were two of you there, but you are the only one I wanted to kiss. Maybe the other me would not have been me-me, but some other me--"
He stops, stricken, and gives Sizhui a wide-eyed look and grabs his arm. "Oh no, that would be terrible. Forget I said that. Then you would be here with the wrong me, and that is worse than anything."
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At some point his hand sifts so that, within the folds between their sleeves, is fingers wrap around Jingyi's, a little cold but very steady.
It is all right. It will all be all right.
"I don't want to forget anything that you say, Jingyi. I never want that.
"But no, I think you are you. The right you. The one who belongs here. And...
"The one who belongs with me."
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Jingyi's face is pretty thick, but when Sizhui says that he is the one that belongs with him he flushes bright red and absolutely cannot prevent himself from trying to kiss Sizhui.
There is absolutely no other response to that declaration that even makes sense.
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.... successful. Sizhui is startled, but his arms move to wrap around Jingyi's waist and he holds him close as he kisses him, sweet but also a little desperate because it has been a while and he's wanted to do this and he's had times when he thought it might never happen, it should never have happened, and now here they are and. Well.
The kiss is definitely not a light fleeting thing.
When he leans back for air, his eyes try to drink in the sight of Jingyi's face, every little detail of it all over again.
"A-Yi."
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When they break apart, he spends a moment breathing hard because he had not planned for any of this. Though even if he had, Sizhui is not someone who you expect not to steal your breath away. His higher thought processes have disengaged entirely and it is all he can do to flush at the endearment and beam. "Yes, yes, yes, A-Yuan, Sizhui, my favorite person. I do not think I can tell you how much I am glad to be home."
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"An hour ago, I thought my heart was just going to break forever. And now it's flying. All because of you."
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And then, because he has absolutely no reason not to (?) he hauls Sizhui in for another kiss.
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Then he cups Jingyi's face with both hands, taking his fill of looking at him directly. Because if he were to stare before, that would be considered strange, and so he had to take in normal looks, glances for him, even. And it wasn't enough.
"Let's go back to - to my room. I want to, at the very least, cuddle the breath out of you. And we can talk. And kiss. Or just cuddle and kiss. Or... um."
Sorry, he's still a bit coming to terms with the fact that the weird solitude while still among his loved ones is over. He's not dared to hope or think further than that. That doesn't mean that he doesn't want more.
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"Yes!" Jingyi exclaims immediately. "I want to get out of my wet clothes."
That...that was not supposed to be innuendo but Jingyi's eyes flare just a fraction wider as soon as he realizes what he has just said.
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"Yes. Yes, of course. Come then." He shifts to take Jingyi's hand start them moving. "No running. This is really not the time I want us to be interrupted."
But he's moving rather fast without breaking the rules, all the same.